Get Clean – Call us today!

The Four Agreements – A Powerful Tool

I have been working and studying in the field of mental health and addiction for more than 30 years and have seen many treatment advances. One of the most effective tools used with clients is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

They are:

  1. Always do your best
  2. Don’t take things personally
  3. Don’t assume anything, and
  4. Be impeccable with your word.

by Shayne Sundholm, CEO, Clean Recovery Centers

How addicts feel

A person suffering from addiction has a frame of mind that can be described as chaotic and detached from reality. Their minds tend to run a million miles an hour:

  • They become ashamed of the past and fearful of the future.
  • It’s difficult for them to live in the present.
  • They often become extremely suspicious and paranoid, convinced that everyone is thinking about them and judging them.

In the depths of addiction, an addict’s mind starts to equate using with living and not using with risk of death. As a result, their behavior to outside observers may look quite irrational most of the time.  

 

Living to use, using to live

In active addiction, a person becomes used to a life style that is increasingly more dangerous and harmful. The areas of the brain used for judgment and decisions are largely disabled or blocked. The resulting behavior is that of someone who lives to use and uses to live.

Stealing, lying, cheating and worse become common place. These default neuropathways are that of the suffering addict. Until this is interrupted and new neuropathways formed, the chances of recovery are slim.

 

Applying the Four Agreements

Striving to follow the Four Agreements enables recovering addicts to form robust neuropathways as they incorporate ongoing learnings from therapy. They learn to do their best in all they do, realizing it is all they can do.

In the depths of their disease, addicts have been their worst selves. Generally, they are very sensitive people, even more so when very ill. Therefore, learning to not take things personally and gaining the skills to do so is a very big step. They realize it does not matter what anyone thinks so long as they are doing their best.

 

Don’t assume, don’t lie

Learning not to assume things is also critical. Many addicts believe that the world is out to get them – that the world is conspiring against them. Of course this is not true but learning not to assume is a critical skill that can help tremendously. The uncomfortable paranoia slips away.

Lastly, learning to be impeccable with your word is vital. In the depths of their disease, an addict tells lie, after lie, after lie. Being impeccable with your word is the exact opposite. They learn that it feels much better to live in their truth than the lies and deception of addiction. 

In short, the Four Agreements help put recovering clients on a very robust path. Life becomes easier, more meaningful and the simple joys of living start to re-emerge.

Recent Posts

PTSD Symptoms: The Invisible Scars That Cause Distress

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” – C. G. Jung You couldn’t help your reaction – the way your partner raised their voice took you right back to the past. Immediately, it was like you were thrown into your old life with your ex-partner, and...

How Long Can a Panic Attack Last: Breaking Down the Timeline

It’s never happened to you before, but suddenly you feel anxious. Your hands begin to shake and you can’t stop thinking something bad is about to happen. It feels like an elephant has taken up residence on your chest and each breath becomes difficult. What is...

Panic Disorder Symptoms: What They Are and Why They Occur

No matter how hard you try, you can’t explain why it happens. You will be walking through the grocery store when your heart rate picks up, sweat beads on your forehead, and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen. Why does this keep happening...

Anxiety vs Panic Attack: Key Differences in Disorders and Presentation

Feelings of anxiety can seem to creep up and fill you from the inside out. These feelings can hang on for days, holding you down and keeping you from your life. Though others may have similar feelings, for you they come on faster and stronger, often in a plague...

Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol: Why Are They So Frequently Connected?

Having a mental health condition impacts every aspect of your life. Some days it feels impossible to get out of your head, leaving you to wonder how you can silence the thoughts of depression or anxiety. Finally, you find a solution in alcohol, but this ends up being...