Family Guide: Help A Loved One Get Addiction Treatment
It can be hard to tell when substance use has become a problem, especially in the early stages of addiction. Sometimes, the changes we see in our loved ones can come on gradually, and we don’t notice them until they have become hard to ignore. Sometimes, however, those changes can be abrupt and disorienting, until the person standing in front of us no longer feels like the same person.
Individuals who have substance use disorder (SUD) or alcohol use disorder (AUD) are more likely to find treatment and begin recovery when their loved ones support them through it. Family support is the backbone of a successful treatment because family is often an individual’s primary source of comfort. A study done by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that family involvement in treatment for SUD was more effective than treatment without family support.
For some loved ones with substance use disorder, just talking to them about their problems, understanding them, and asking them to go to treatment is enough for them to get help. But for others, it can be a difficult process of understanding, realization, and beginning a commitment to change. You can help be that driving force for change by helping them see that recovery is the best option.
1. Recognizing When There May Be a Problem
This time can be scary, and you can start to feel unsure and even guilty about your part in it. How could we let this go on so long? How did we not notice? We need to realize that there’s no one to blame for this. Addiction is a disease, and it isn’t a problem someone can solve overnight.
When asking yourself if your loved one’s SUD has become a problem, look for these signs:
Physical signs of substance use:
- Weight: They start rapidly losing or gaining a noticeable amount of weight
- Eyes: Their eyes are red or bloodshot, and they are unable to focus; They have dilated pupils often
- Sleep: They start sleeping all day, experience increased tiredness, or have insomnia
- Hygiene: They start not showering, brushing their teeth, or changing their clothes
- Feeling sick: They experience frequent nausea, vomiting, chronic cough, or flu-like symptoms
- Noticeable tolerance: They start taking a substance because they “need it,” and use more of the substance to be able to feel its effects
- Skin: Their skin is less vibrant, with noticeable needle marks and scarring
Emotional signs of substance use:
- Mental health: They start experiencing anxiety, paranoia, or depression symptoms; you notice extreme changes in their mood or emotions.
- Mood: They have aggressive mood swings. They go from feeling joy to extreme sadness to anger at the drop of a hat.
- Temper: They begin to have a short fuse. They start lashing out or being defensive.
- Cravings: They are unable to wait for the next use of the substance and experience intrusive thoughts
Behavioral signs of substance use:
- Personality: They have a noticeably different personality than you’re used to. They are aggressive when they were not before, or they are erratic where they used to be calm
- Control: They are unable to stop or limit themselves from the substance
- Money issues: They are losing money, asking to borrow money, or are unable to pay bills
- Neglecting home or work responsibilities: They start missing important meetings, or become less engaged in their life, or you stop hearing from them when communication used to be frequent.
- Risky Behavior: They are making poor decisions, some of which can often put themselves and others in danger
- Secrecy: You notice they are compulsively lying, denying, or hiding their substance use
If you are noticing any of these signs, it is the right time to talk to them about their SUD and how treatment might be right for them.
2. Understanding What Families Can and Can’t Control
Sometimes, when we see our loved ones acting differently or recklessly, we feel fear or anger. You begin to worry, getting severe anxiety over the fear that your loved one may get hurt. Your instinct might be to push them away, put up walls so that we don’t have to feel hurt anymore. Maybe you don’t want to deal with it, or maybe you have been for so long that you feel like you can’t anymore.
Or maybe your instinct is to hold on. To latch tight onto your loved one, getting close, never leaving them alone. You are afraid that leaving them to their own devices may cause more harm than good.
We are often afraid of things we don’t understand, and addiction is an extremely misunderstood disease. When we take the time to understand our loved ones or support them through their challenges, it can help them see that we are with them. That we won’t turn our backs because it is the easier thing to do.
In some cases, when we want to help someone, we try not to hurt them. We reassure them, or we downplay their actions; we clean up after them or tell others it’s not that bad, even though we know it is. This is not support; it’s enabling. Enabling can look a lot like support, so it is often unconsciously done. Maybe it’s out of love or out of fear; maybe we feel powerless to help them, and this is how we “fix” their problems.
If you’re unsure whether you’re enabling or supporting your loved one, take a look at some of the signs:
Signs of enabling:
- You start lying or making excuses for their behavior
- You blame others for their substance use
- You allow them to continue what they are doing because it’s better than confronting them or “rocking the boat.”
Support can be harsh and difficult to express, especially when it comes from a place of truth. Although it may feel easier to bite your tongue and wait, it is always better for you and them to be honest and express why their behavior is harmful.
Ways to support your loved one:
- Be a steady, calm presence during difficult moments instead of trying to “fix” everything for them. Sometimes consistency and emotional safety matter more than having the right answers.
- Listen without immediately giving advice, minimizing their feelings, or turning the conversation into a lecture. Feeling heard can reduce shame and defensiveness.
- Offer encouragement that acknowledges both their struggle and their effort. Recovery is exhausting, and many people need reminders that setbacks don’t erase progress.
- Support healthy accountability without rescuing them from every consequence. Growth often happens when support and responsibility exist together.
- Learn to separate the person from the addiction. Your loved one may say or do hurtful things while struggling, but addiction is not their entire identity.
- Take care of your own emotional health and boundaries, too. Supporting someone in recovery is important, but their recovery cannot become your sole responsibility or consume your life.
- Try to create connection instead of control. People are often more willing to accept help when they feel respected, included, and understood rather than pressured or managed.
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3. Talking to a Loved One About Getting Help
It may be difficult to talk to our loved ones about getting the help they need. Maybe this has been going on so long that they don’t believe they have a problem. Maybe they are afraid to come to terms with their addiction, or they shut down when it’s brought up.
Or maybe we don’t want to talk about it. What if it makes it worse? What if it pushes them over the edge? We’re afraid they’ll push us away — then they’ll be too far away for us to help them anymore. Maybe it would be best to wait until they hit rock bottom, then they might be more open to talking about it. But often, we don’t know where rock bottom is until we hit it. It can be dangerous to wait for rock bottom to come; waiting for them to hit rock bottom can cause them and you more pain and trauma.
The best time to talk to them is now, even if it’s hard for both of you. There are ways to prepare for the conversation, and ways that won’t hurt you or them.
Some tips to make the conversation easier:
Find a calm moment: Finding or creating a calm, low-stress environment is best for emotional talks. Your loved one shouldn’t feel cornered, and you shouldn’t feel rushed. Find a quiet room in your house that’s just the two of you, maybe a walk on the beach at sunset. Give them the time and space to process what you have said, or to be emotionally vulnerable without outside pressure.
Lead with vulnerability instead of blame: Helpful conversations don’t start with blame; they come from a place of understanding, love, and support. The conversation doesn’t have to be from a place of blame, of telling your loved one all the problems they have, or all the problems they have caused — in fact, it’s better if it isn’t. A study done by the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs found that conversations that turned hostile and hypocritical were seen as unhelpful to loved ones going into treatment. The best conversations are honest and personal, but not argumentative. Everything said should focus on love, and you should be emotionally honest; offer them practical, hopeful solutions instead of placing blame.
Use specific examples: It’s important to be honest, but also be gentle. Let them know that they are not alone in what they are experiencing. Avoid anything that could cause harm to them, or place blame on them, or tell them what they are doing wrong. A 2018 study reported that using “I” statements in communication reduces hostility. Say, “I feel that I can’t rely on you when I need you,” instead of, “You are never there, even when you say you will be.”
Stay steady: These conversations can bring a lot of stress to both parties. It is important to stay calm. Denial and anger are natural and understandable responses when loved ones are confronted about their substance use. The most important thing is to be patient. To give them time.
4. Knowing When Professional Treatment Is Needed
Even after talking with your loved one, you may feel like no true progress is being made. Even if they have promised to find treatment, they haven’t started looking. Even if they set up appointments, they aren’t going.
When considering a treatment center, it is important to get a good idea of what they offer and what your loved one needs.
Things to consider when looking for a treatment facility:
- Location: It can be beneficial to look for treatment centers that your loved one may find appealing. Whether it be location, legal services provided, family counseling, addiction education, medical treatments, or mental health services.
- Philosophy: A caring treatment center will truly value its clients. When a treatment center offers programs that meet your loved one’s unique needs, they will flourish in their journey to recovery. The best treatment programs should be individualized and support your loved one’s growth.
- Levels of care offered: Review the treatment center’s levels of care. What kind of treatments do they have available? Medical detox? Residential treatment? Looking into these kinds of services can give you an idea of what your loved one may need out of treatment
Below are levels of care that may be offered at treatment facilities. These can give you some clarity on what may be beneficial for your loved one in treatment.
Residential Treatment
Committing to residential treatment is a big step towards recovery, and finding the right treatment center is beneficial for getting them the care they need to succeed.
Signs that residential treatment is needed:
- They have tried to quit but keep returning to use
- They are being financially, physically, or emotionally reckless
- They are not taking care of themselves
- They are open to more support in handling their SUD
Medical Detox
Some signs that your loved one may need a medical detox:
- They have started taking more of the substance than before
- They have tried to quit on their own, but withdrawal symptoms were too much
- They are experiencing frequent cravings that seem uncontrollable
- Their substance use has become their only priority
Dual Diagnosis for Mental Health
Mental health conditions and substance use disorder can often intertwine. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are common in individuals living with SUD. Mental health can cause substance use disorder, and the other way around. When treating substance use disorder, it is important to acknowledge the underlying mental health challenges that may be occurring, as treating one without the other may hinder treatment and cause relapse.
When considering a treatment center, you should consider:
- Has your loved one been diagnosed with a mental health condition?
- Have they recently experienced sudden or unexpected trauma?
- Is your loved one’s SUD impacting their daily life?
- Do they have any history of substance misuse?
If any of these sound like your loved one, dual diagnosis might be right for them. Dual diagnosis treats mental health challenges and SUD together and can give a deeper look into the complexity of addiction. Dual-diagnosis care includes evidence-based therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to help your loved one process their emotions and change harmful thought patterns.
5. Staying Involved Through Your Loved Ones’ Treatment
Each family member can feel the impact of substance use disorder, and they can often feel it differently. If your loved one is seeking treatment and a support system is not incorporated, it can limit the treatment’s effectiveness and overlook support as a positive means of change.
The most beneficial treatment is the one that grows and evolves with our clients, and one where you can be supportive and available in their effort to make a change. A good treatment approach is one that pulls deep from the strengths, history, and experiences of your loved one to treat their whole well-being, not just their addiction.
Some steps to stay involved in your loved one’s treatment:
- Work with their care team: The most important part of treatment is making sure everyone is on the same page. While your loved one is receiving care, don’t hesitate to check in with their care team often to see how you can best support them. Taking the time to prepare for their return home and staying informed about their progress can help you feel more connected and confident in the process.
- Reassure your loved one: At the beginning of treatment, your loved one might feel a bit overwhelmed or anxious — that’s completely normal. Remember, they’re making a brave choice to take the first step toward positive change, and your support can really help them feel more confident. Let them know you’re by their side, no matter what, and that you’re there for them every step of the way.
- Learn about addiction: During this time, your role is to listen carefully and really understand what your loved one needs after treatment. When something isn’t clear, remember that addiction and mental health education can be incredibly helpful to know. With everyone’s dedication and support, your loved one can thrive in lasting recovery.
- Take care of things at home: While your loved one is in treatment, it is important to make sure their home is ready for their return. During treatment, they will learn the skills and tools to handle their triggers and urges in the real world. This is your time to try to reduce triggers as much as you can. If there are things around their home that might trigger a return to use, it’s best to remove them before your loved one comes home.
- Attend family programming: A good treatment program will offer family therapy and resources you can access. During these sessions, your loved ones’ care team will work with you to set the boundaries and expectations everyone will need after treatment ends. It is important to have realistic expectations for life after treatment. There is no magical fix for addiction. After treatment ends, there will be good days and bad days for both you and them.
6. Walking With Your Loved One Through the Recovery Journey
Recovery doesn’t end when treatment does. For the rest of their life, your loved one will be on a journey of accountability, commitment, and care. That journey is difficult to walk alone, but you can walk alongside them through their recovery
Ways to support your loved one after recovery:
Listening and understanding: Problems may arise after recovery that neither you nor they may have expected. This is natural. Finding what works and what doesn’t is a part of what makes recovery successful. When something isn’t working, help your loved one feel safe; give them the support they need to get back on track
Create plans of support: Together with your loved one, you should create a recovery plan and a plan for possible relapse. A recovery plan should focus on limiting the triggers that may have led to their SUD, and should reinforce lasting recovery habits while promoting accountability. A relapse support plan is also helpful; relapse is common in the recovery journey, and it doesn’t mean that treatment has failed. Creating a plan for when relapse happens can prepare both of you for what to do.
Helping them connect with people just like them: Through Clean Recovery Center’s alumni program, countless individuals have found comfort and motivation by staying connected with peers who truly understand what they’re going through. Our alumni community offers a special sense of connection and accountability—something you can’t always get on your own, because it comes from people who have been right where they are now.
Your job after treatment is to be their rock, their support system. Recovery is not linear; the path will be rocky in places, but the most important thing is to let them know that you will always have their back.
Paying for Treatment
Clean Recovery Center is in network with most major health insurance companies. This list of common providers does not include everyone we are in the network with. Please call us to verify your benefits.
Get Addiction Treatment With Clean Recovery Centers
Knowing someone you love is struggling with addiction is incredibly hard. It can leave you scared, frustrated, exhausted, and unsure of what to do next. But treatment offers a real path forward. With the right support, your loved one can begin to heal, rebuild trust, and take meaningful steps toward recovery. You don’t have to figure this out alone, and neither do they.
If you are ready to help your loved one get addiction treatment, call Clean Recovery Centers at (888) 330-2532. Through an enduring commitment to our clients and their families, we provide you and your loved one with the support, stability, and care you need for lasting change in recovery.
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